Why Can’t We Be Friends
Many of my friends have decided to part ways with Facebook. While I respect their reasons for doing so, I would like to give a few reasons why Facebook is so important and why blogging won’t fill the void. I would also like to predict that these ex-Facebookers will return someday.
Now for the reasons why Facebook is important.
Reason #1 – It’s Not Just About You
I know that the decision to quit is entirely up to you, but the genius of Facebook is that it connects people. Now maybe it is not the type of connection you are wanting, but maybe it is the type of connection others are wanting with you. More than half of my friends do not live close enough to visit but I can keep them updated on what is going on in my life and in my family’s life. Sure I could call, but both parties have to be available at the same time and all you can do is talk…you can’t see video, pictures, or text. Facebook allows you to connect with people on a grander level (or a less grand level if that is what you want). If you read this and then think to yourself, “But I don’t want to connect or reconnect with half of these people.”, then your problem is not with Facebook, but with an inability to say no to someone, so let’s not blame Facebook for that. If you desire face to face relationships, you can have those too, are you honestly thinking that Facebook makes you have less face to face relationships? I don’t believe that.
Reason #2 – Easier Than Email
It is much easier to organize a group of people to do something with Facebook. I am not talking about the events or group features, but the beauty of writing a note to multiple people and seeing all the conversations in a threaded form, something you cannot due with Facebook.
Reason #3 – Facebook Rules and Blogging Drools
Blogging is dead. And yes, I know the irony here since I am writing this in my blog, I would put it on Facebook, but it’s intended audience would not see it. Let me rephrase this, personal blogging is dead, journalism blogging is very much alive. Facebook is far superior to personal blogging, because you know your friends will see stuff, while they might not even know that you updated your blog. People immediately know when you have put new pictures of your kids on Facebook. It is also more rich with features. You can tag photos, so if I only want to see photos with certain pictures I can, or if someone tags me, I can instantly see that photo to make sure I am wearing a shirt. You can also comment on individual things rather than a whole group of pictures. Putting your personal thoughts, photos, music, and videos on Facebook is a much better way to pass along your life than a blog. If you read this and think to yourself, “But I blog for me, not for others.”, then what you are looking for is a diary not a blog. Bottom line if you blog, you want others to see it and more importantly you want your friends to see it. And where are they? That’s right Facebook!
Reason #4 – I Love Technology
We live in the 21st century and every aspect of our lives have embraced technology. We can share music, videos, and photos to anyone in the world. That is amazing and Facebook allows us to utilize this more than any other service. You can hate status updates all you want, but I have seen some amazing videos and discovered some great music because others pass along the stuff that moves them.
Reason #5 – The New Facebook Layout
I know many people don’t like the new look of Facebook, but it allows users to only see what they want to see, because we all know there are a lot of silly things out there. I take all the dumb quizzes, but you don’t have to and you don’t have to see when I do. It is totally customizable, so you can’t really complain about about the silliness anymore. You are in control.
Final Thoughts – Do What You Want
Seriously do what you want, I see most of you in real life so it doesn’t effect me too much, I will even read your blog posts, but just know that I “Facebook miss you”.
April 27th, 2009 at 5:45 pm
Good post! And before I get started on my point by point rebuttal, let me just say that you have some extremely cute boys up there to the left with the polk-a-dotted lines around them.
1. You are absolutely right and I fully acknowledge that the problem is not with Facebook, but with me. But what do you do when you’ve already said yes to someone and then you regret it and defriend them and then they ask you again? I hate feeling like a jerk. And I think it was my husband who said he was quitting so he could have more face to face to relationships. I would never say that. I want LESS face to face relationships. I want less everything. Thus, I quit Facebook.
2. You are absolutely right. There is no substitute for how great Facebook is at organizing things. I regret this and don’t know what to do about it.
3. You are absolutely right. That’s why I feel safer on my blog. Nobody cares about it except the people that make an effort to come there. Obviously it’s about more than just wanting a diary. I can’t explain it. I just like it because it’s mine-all-mine. And if people want to come there, I welcome them. I like it there and I get depressed on Facebook. That’s all.
4. You are absolutely right. But I don’t care if I miss stuff right now.
5. You are absolutely right. And this might be the point that convinces me to come back under a pseudonym. I can reinvent myself. I just don’t want to have to deal with all my past baggage. The tragedy in that would be that I would completely lose my 1.3 million bankroll in Texas Hold ‘em though. Tempting, tempting….
Thanks for this post, seriously. I’m going to mull now. I think I might Facebook miss you too.
April 27th, 2009 at 5:51 pm
Matt, you are a genius. I think this is a great post . Nice touch with the music. I love you.
Leslie, I like your answers. Maybe you can answer for me what some FB quitters mean when they say they didn’t like the pressure. What’s that all about? I can’t remember if you ever said that or not. But any ideas? Does it have to do with your answer in #1?
April 27th, 2009 at 5:55 pm
Matt — very nice post. I didn’t realize there was a facebook exodus occuring, but I have certainly heard the points you raised before. I agree with you wholeheartedly on the points you raise. It also kind of got me thinking, so I’ll go on a mini-thought of my own. : )
People who think that facebook creates less meaningful and valuable relationships are looking to Facebook to fill some gap in their life that it was not meant to do. Like you said, it connects people. That’s it… oh but that “it” is the secret sauce.
Some of my best friends live far away. Others live VERY far away. We get to speak on the phone from time to time and on blessed occasions we even get to see one another. But with tools like FB we can see photos, share writings, chit chat about the day-to-day, and get a really interesting peek into the world they live in… we get to be a small part of each other’s daily lives again. I love that.
One more thought… thinking that blogging will serve as some kind of superior substitute strikes me as a very meaningless decision.
I’d bet these same types of sentiments were felt and expressed when the telephone was invented, email, text messaging, etc. OK… I’m just rambling now.
Just some thoughts you inspired through your nice “defense” of Facebook-ish tools on the web.
Have a nice day. : )
April 27th, 2009 at 8:10 pm
Nice post. The reason I have not deleted my FB account is I believe in the greatness of what facebook is.
That said, for me it is simple:
Most people I know are invigorated by the constantly changing online community. Pictures, communities, thoughts, old friends, groups, events, forums, and so on.
I would finish that paragraph with a description of how and why that energizes them if I had anything more than just a cursory idea about it. But I don’t.
Human relationships are valuable, but fairly difficult for me. This is partly just how I am made. The demands made by relationships and the desire to fill them on my part make tending them costly to my soul. Facebook creates an overwhelming chatter in my life that I do not enjoy.
Did you see this picture? What is this political movement? Have you heard my opinion? Will you play a game with me? Do you remember me? What are you doing this weekend? We need to catch up. Why arern’t you playing that game anymore? Did you forget my birthday? How old are you children? Have you heard this joke? What is UP with soandso?
For me, much more quickly than for others this just morphs into a roaring static and eventually I begin to become uncomfortable, and eventually I will begin to feel like I am just doing a bad job of being a friend.
I know to some people this sounds silly and they might even think I ought to just “get over it” and join the party.
I respect that opinion. But I know myself fairly well. I only have so much soul currency to spend… maybe less than you… so I have to choose to spend it wisely.
But yes.. a good post!!
April 27th, 2009 at 9:00 pm
I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, because Facebook has actually led to MORE face-to-face relationship for me. I’ve reconnected with people on facebook that I never would have thought to call, and as a result, in one case, I had the bonus of smoking the best cigar I’ve ever had.
Also, I will continue to complain every time Facebook gives itself a face lift, but I really hope this one sticks, because it is great. I’m thinking about dropping twitter because FB does it better.
April 27th, 2009 at 9:23 pm
Matt,
A few things. First, this is a well thought out post. Second, I completely agree with your reason number two. Third, probably the greatest drawback to canceling Facebook is missing out on your antidotal updates (and I say that with all seriousness). Finally, I wholeheartedly disagree with every other point you made. You made two outrageous statements that are completely bogus: “blogging is dead” and “every aspect of our lives is embraced by technology.” This is simply not true. On the first point, Facebook and the blog are two entirely different mediums. Those who once used blogging as a platform to share status updates, photos and videos realized that this was much easier to do on Facebook, and many just made the switch.Those who wish to have control over the character and style of their writing on the issues they care about will never use a social networking site to do so. Apples and oranges. On the second point, there are plenty of areas in my life where technology cannot, should not and will not enter in. I can and do appreciate the fact that you miss us on Facebook. But again, personally, it is really nice not being connected to another connection. I look forward to seeing you in person tomorrow and reading more blog posts from you.
April 29th, 2009 at 11:35 am
All I know is I can’t handle 139 “friends.” And since I left FB I’m reading great books again. But Matt, your post was seriously good!
May 2nd, 2009 at 6:20 am
Dianne…I was about to explode with close to 300 ‘friends’. Matt…great post…really…lots to agree and disagree with.
May 22nd, 2009 at 2:46 pm
Matt – I just read this post. I am with Marce, I love the music too. Of course, I didn’t know that it was there until Marce mentioned it. I almost always miss the details.
I don’t know y’all. A not – so – wise man once gave me some really good advice when he said, “Don’t take yourself so seriously, girl. Nobody else does.”